090909?

the 24 hours of 090909 is finally over. and guess what?

09 SEPTEMBER 2009 WEDNESDAY

S-E-P-T-E-M-B-E-R = 9
W-E-D-N-E-S-D-A-Y = 9

COOL HUH?

Well the highlight of the newspaper of this auspicious day is of course Marriage.

And one of my not so close friend got proposed today. Read it off her facebook.

Many of my friends are like getting married around me and it's frightening.

Yes, frightening, for me.

WHY? I don't know.

So yea, just last night my God brother told me he is going to wed my sister in law next year. He is planning to purpose in January and the wedding will be around May or June. In a way, yippie I'm going to be brides maid. In another, I need to travel to Australia for the wedding. Where to dig money? Sigh!

BUT I'm going to find a way some how! He means lots to me. =)

So back to the topic of marriage.

Why the word marriage makes me feel all kinds of feelings that I can't put into words?

It's because I feel that I'm always stuck between two worlds and am trying hard to fit in. It's like a jigsaw puzzle where you turn and turn the piece and you realise it does not belong to the set and not with the second set either.

I'm a perfectionist when it comes down to things. I'm the type you do your best or you don't do at all that's me. And it's not a good thing.

Plus, juggling both studies and work makes me frus! Frus as in I don't even have time to breath juggling both but I feel like I'm not going anywhere. It's like something is missing and I'm not achieving something. When I'm frus, I give up.

When I give up, I give up on life itself, and when I give up I bug my boyfriend with one sentence :

Baby marry me, I don't want to study...


BLEAH! Very thick skinned right? Me proposing instead.

*jumps around*

Then he will be speechless and I get it and change topic. LOL

Being a Gemini I'm like Dell with a dual-core.

My first core is Pwencessa, the lil princess that goes ga-ga over cute stuff and pink stuff, that jumps around and does funny faces and dreams of her castle and prince charming on a white horse, carefree and contented.

My second core is Cris, the girl pretending to be a woman. Working her butt off for Anna Sui, Victoria Secret, MacbookPro and the TOP. Wanting to one day make Cris a brand. Herself as a brand. Dominating, fighting and jealous.

So you see, when there is this 2 cores, sometimes the wrong core comes out in a situation which demands the other core. And it's not the matter of switching it. Nah uh. It could take hours to change the core or bribery. And there is the time where both cores gets tangled up and comes out as one, oh the drama, it makes people's jaw drop and some wants to slap me but I go Wee.

In my post you might also notice that sometimes Pwencessa is the one writing and sometimes it's Cris.

I wonder if you could tell?

Cause I can't.

It's going to be all right.

I bet everyone of us hits a rough patch in life, now and then. Cuts and stabs to the heart, some minor and some major ones. The minor ones takes a long time to heal and the major ones takes an even longer time to heal or sometimes does not heal and when it does heal, often leaves a scar. Well, everyone has a scarred heart, other then a 1 day old baby, maybe.

When we are in that state of 'hurt' and 'pain' we are often driven to do things that hurt others that ends up hurting ourselves even more. Not true? Try to think back the times you got hurt, it might be a break up, study problem, a fight, a family problem, a financial problem....the list goes on...

When a person is hurt, they will dwell in that hurt. I've come across many people who live in self denial when they are hurt. Remember times you tell yourself or your friends/family members :

"I'm Ok" OR "It's going to be OK"
"I can live without that guy/girl, I'm better off single"
"F*** everyone, I'm better off alone"

Let me tell you this, IT'S NOT OK.
You are in hurt and you need somebody to talk to.
Find someone that you really know and trust and just lay your heart out, it will feel much better!
Cry and just let go of that hurt! Who says guys should not cry?!
If you can't find a friend or it's a huge secret, call a local help line, example : BEFRIENDERS 03-79568144 or 03-79568145 (Open 24 hours!)

If it is a really major hurt that feels like it has cut your heart in two, where you feel that :

you have no reason to live
you can't go on living
your problem have eaten you up so much that you just wish it all would end?

Trust me, it's not the end.

It may seam like everything is bleak and grey where no colours exist anymore.

It's NOT..

Want to know something? The sky is always blue, it's only when the dark clouds covers it where it seams all dark and grey, but beyond those dark and grey clouds, is still a very blue sky!

Life is like that! When we let hurt, rejections, failures, disappointments and stress cloud up our blue blue sky all we see are just grey skies and dark clouds we tend to forget that blue blue sky beyond those dark clouds.

Start breaking up those dark clouds, make them pour by sharing that burden with someone, shrink those dark clouds to let your blue sky peak through!

Another way is by pushing the dark clouds aside to let a bit of that blue sky beyond shine through. How? Look in to your memory of pass blue skies, how blue the sky was before it became all cloudy with those dark and grey clouds. Those dark and grey clouds that you are able to get rid off and have those blue skies once again.

Or it might be simple as starting to appreciate the things you have in life, a family, a roof over your head, the food that you get to eat, and your very own life.

My own recipe for my own blue sky is finding a patch of blue each day. For me is sunshine, my stinky pillow, a yummy bowl of curry mee or warm nasi lemak, my besties, Him, a nice cup of Green Tea Frap from Starbucks...the list goes on...

I also try to share my patch of blue sky with some one each day, a simple smile and thank you goes a long way. Smile and say thank you to the person that makes your coffee, the person that serves you food, the person that holds the lift for you, the postman......!! A smile costs nothing you know? =)

Life is like the sky, not everyday is a sunny day with blue skies, there are times where it will be dark and cloudy but after it has pass, blue sunny sky is here again once more. The choice is in your hands.

Do you want to let your sky be cloud up with those dark and grey clouds?
OR
Do you want to step up and start getting rid of those dark and grey clouds, to have your own piece of blue blue sky once more?


Think about it!